I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
