Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
