I love black thongs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
