i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize