now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
