I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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