her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
