There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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