So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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