Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
