She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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