My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize