Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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