And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
