I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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