I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
