I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We need to get me chipped asap
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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