I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
