i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
