is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
