Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
