i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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