Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
