i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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