You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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