Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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