Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
