Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
