Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you had me at cake vodka
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
