it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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