i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
