if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
