The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
