I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
