You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
