Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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