Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
