I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
