well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
