what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
