And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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