what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
