id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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