I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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