Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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