I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
