Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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