People in love make me want to vomit
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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