Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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