I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
