I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
