I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dignity is for republicans.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
