Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize