Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
