Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
