Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
