Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
