bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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