my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
