Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
