i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
