how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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