just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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