you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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