I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
