Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
