Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
