I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
