it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
