I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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