Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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