Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
