I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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