Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
