I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
