my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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