He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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