i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
